


not for a second.

by lucishole



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Caretaking, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:40:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28421076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucishole/pseuds/lucishole
Summary: (set during the s5b finale, but it's all speculation) when lucifer returns to lux after a messy fight with michael, chloe cleans him up and they have some emotional conversations.
Relationships: Chloe Decker & Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 8
Kudos: 78





	not for a second.

**Author's Note:**

> maybe get some tissues, or read when you're alone. i cried a few times while writing this and i knew what was gonna happen.
> 
> all mistakes are my own and i welcome any criticism you're willing to give! i hope it's evocative <3

chloe doesn’t think she’s ever been as nervous as she is right now. not even on her wedding day, maybe when her water broke, but regardless, anxiety was coursing through her bloodstream and there was nothing she could do to quell it. lucifer was who knows where having a showdown with his family, and here she sat, alone, on one of the barstools in an empty lux… _waiting._ and chloe _hates_ waiting, hates being out of the loop and out of control, but lucifer had practically begged her to stay where he knew she would be safe. 

* * *

“lucifer, i’m coming with you.” her voice commanding as ever as she marched towards his car that was parked in the alley beside lux. lucifer had gotten a call from amenadiel, who claimed that something _big_ was about to go down, and lucifer needed to join him as soon as possible. at least that was the message lucifer had relayed to chloe. she had no idea where amenadiel was and it seemed lucifer wanted to keep it that way. he adored her continuous support for all situations involving his dad and scumbag twin, but he truly believed this was something he needed to do alone. 

“detective, wait for a moment.” he took a few longer strides and placed himself between her and his car, and cupped her face with both hands bringing her eyes up to his. her stern expression melted away as she looked at him, and he gave her a soft smile. “i’m fully aware that you can handle yourself, believe me, but i would be a much better competitor knowing you were as far away from where i am headed as possible.”

“but-” she made to argue but wavered when he interrupted her.

“please.” the word was a plea, one he rarely used, and though he was still relatively calm she could see the concern behind his eyes, so she returned the plea with something she also rarely did. she gave in.

“okay,” she said, and the exhale he responded with told her just how much he appreciated it. “okay, i’ll stay, but i hate this, you know.”

“yes, yes i know.” he chuckled and brought his forehead down to hers, while she grabbed onto the hands that were still holding her cheeks. their eyes slid closed and they just breathed together for a few moments, not willing to part.

her memory unwillingly brought her back to a similar night from what felt like ages ago but what was in reality just a few months. lucifer (accompanied by amenadiel, maze, and eve) had left her standing in the middle of the road outside the mayan, and she watched him walk away from her while she debated breaking her word to stay outside, and telling him the words that had been weighing on her for years. she remembered eventually walking in, but being torn away from him before she could say them, and when she finally _did,_ he was being taken from her once again. she wouldn’t make that mistake again.

she pulled back from where their foreheads met, dropped her hands still holding his but now in between their bodies, and flicked her gaze between his eyes before crashing their lips together. it was desperate and messy and ended far too soon when she released his lips and their eyes met.

“i love you so much.” it felt good for her to say, too good considering the only two times she’d told him felt like goodbyes. even so his face lit up for a brief moment before he began to stutter, but she quickly cut him off in understanding. “no i… it’s okay. you don’t have to say it, i know. i know you do. just, be careful. come home to me.” 

she smiled up at him and he nodded, and her heart hurt recognizing his classic avoidance of a lie. _he didn’t_ say _he would._ he squeezed her hands and backed away from her, eventually turning to enter his vehicle, never looking back while he roared the car to life and drove away. he thought if he turned back he might not be able to leave her. 

she stood and watched him go, and brushed a stray drop of wetness from her cheek before returning inside.

* * *

she’s anxiously bouncing her leg, tearing a stray napkin into pieces, and constantly glancing around her for any sign of lucifer. she figured there would be a fight, and she’d seen lucifer win his fair share of fights, but she was still worrying herself sick about him. from her (to be fair, limited) knowledge of lucifer’s past, one of the last times he fought michael, he fell. but michael hadn’t been trying to kill him that time, or the time he showed up at lucifer’s penthouse. but this time… this time she was sure michael was fighting to the death. and she’s terrified.

she waits and waits, the hours getting later and she figures it must be dark by now but can’t tell from inside. lux is suffocatingly empty, as lucifer has instructed lux’s management that the club would be closed tonight, and no one is scheduled to arrive until the next day for routine maintenance. 

eventually she hears a faint rustling from behind her. her gaze shifts, quickly scanning the club and identifying a suited figure approaching the top of the staircase that leads to the ground floor of the club. “oh shit, lucifer…” she says quietly, jumping from her stool and rushing to meet him. “stay right there.”

he obeys, and when he lifts his head and finally sees her here and safe, relief shoots through him and he nearly goes weak at the knees. she takes the steps two at a time and slides herself under his arm, trying to support as much of his weight as she can, and she guides him down the stairs. glancing towards the barstools where she had been sitting, she vetoes them as a suitable sitting arrangement, figuring it might be difficult for him to rest on the small chairs, and turns towards the piano bench another few steps down to the dance floor that doubles as a stage. 

the bench is also small, but it’s lower to the ground, and won’t stain from any of the blood that chloe is trying her damndest to ignore while she gets him settled.

“c’mon, let’s sit you down here, okay?” her voice is steady and soothing, and lucifer mumbles an affirmation, grunting on his way down to the chair. the sound goes right to chloe’s heart. “there you are.” she’s working to stay strong for him, but her resolve wavers as she sits next to him and is finally able to take in his injuries. 

the pristine white shirt he was wearing when he left is now torn in spots and covered in red, and underneath it his abdomen is bloody and horrifically bruised. there is a tear in one of his pant legs that exposes a lengthy gash in his leg, likely the reason why he was limping. despite her attempt to take account of all of his wounds, she keeps coming back to the cut across his forehead that continues to drip down his face. her breath gets shakier by the second, but she steels herself and clears her throat before speaking. “wait here, i’m going to clean you up.”

she turns away and quickly walks around the bar, hoping to find a first aid kit. when her eyes fall on the bright red case she’s relieved that he has the materials she needs to properly dress his cuts. she grabs the kit and a bottle of scotch (not without taking a hefty drink first,) foregoing a glass, and a stack of napkins in case the kit doesn’t have enough gauze, and makes her way back over to lucifer. from further away chloe can tell just how worn lucifer is. one of his hands grips at his side and he’s hunched over himself, with his eyes shut and his head hung low. he’s been back a few minutes but has barely said a word which unsettles her.

but she has to keep herself together, it won’t do him any good if she starts blubbering over him instead of helping. 

“here, take this,” she says softly, offering him the bottle of scotch. her voice gets his attention and he manages to un-slouch himself, and take it from her. he notices she’s already taken out the cork, so he lifts it to his mouth and takes a long drink, immediately feeling comforted by the familiar burn and the knowledge that some of his pain will soon begin to dull. chloe takes to work immediately, kneeling on the ground to tackle the gash on his leg, and hopes that focusing will distract her from the fact that the man she loves has been beaten to a pulp and she couldn’t have done anything to prevent it.

but he’s here, with her, and alive. for that she is grateful. 

“detective, i assure you, this is not necessary. my injuries were caused by another angel or with demon-forged blades, but they will still heal on their own.” her only response is a roll of her eyes which he also finds comforting and familiar, but he continues. “genuinely, detective, you need not bother yourself-”

“lucifer,” she begins, looking up at him, “be quiet.” chloe’s voice is stern and he, of course, listens, mouth shutting immediately, but she realizes that being ‘quiet’ wasn’t exactly what she wants from him so she clarifies. “no, i’m sorry, you can talk of course, just… let me do this for you, okay?”

“no need to apologize.” his mouth opens to continue, takes a few seconds to seemingly gather the right words, but all he says is “thank you.”

they exchange smiles, and she returns to his leg, using the first aid kit’s antiseptic to clean around the wound, and placing a gauze pad with tape on the edges to keep it in place on his calf. when she decides it’s secure she asks him to scoot forward on the bench a bit so she has better access to a cut on his stomach. 

the majority of the damage to his chest and abdomen area seems to be bruising, and it’s likely he has at least one broken rib, but she’s sure he’d much rather heal on his own than go to a doctor, so she resigns to dressing the open cut on his side.

her hands are so gentle with him, and he can’t take his eyes off her. he’d been surprised multiple times in the last few weeks by how often and how kindly she would touch him, and it was the simple touches that made him shiver with affection. she’d squeeze his hand while getting out of the car, or nudge his knee with hers while they were sitting at her desk. he’d look up at her and just know… _i love her._ but he’d never brought himself to tell her. 

part of him was waiting for the perfect moment. he wanted to take her out for an evening, eat a wonderful dinner in a romantic restaurant while she wore a dress that he picked out for her, and take her on a helicopter ride somewhere far enough away from the city where they could be under the stars when he said the magic words. he wanted to say them in the throws of passion during a long night of give and take, and afterwards, be able to fall asleep while he held her in his arms and pulled her close to his chest. even with the current circumstances regarding lucifer’s family, he’d had multiple opportunities to tell her in a nearly perfect moment, but didn’t.

because the other part of him was scared. scared that when he would say it, everything would become much more real, and everything _real_ that he’d ever had, had fallen apart. after chloe kissed him on the beach he slowly became certain of his overwhelming and real feelings for her, but far too soon an ill-timed discovery by his mother had pulled them apart. she told him that she loved him those thousands of years ago on his balcony, and he knew in that moment that he loved her back as well, but he was already certain he had to leave. he even thought he’d be with his family for eternity, but he dared to request free will, and the rest is history. maze was his best friend, and when he said and did the wrong thing, he lost her to michael’s manipulations. and he couldn’t lose chloe.

chloe finishes dressing the cut on his side and speaking for the first time in a while, asks him to move back on the stool so she can sit beside him, and he notices a tremble in her voice. without addressing it, he does as she asks, not taking his eyes off her for a second, and she sits next to him. she raises her head and meets his sightline, and he finally sees her red rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks where there hadn’t been tears earlier. 

“detective, are you alright?” 

“oh yeah, sorry, i- i’m fine.” she tries to laugh through her response and ducks her head while averting his gaze, but he catches her chin with his finger and brings her back to him.

“you have nothing to apologize for.” he could still feel pain throughout his limbs, but when he speaks to her it becomes insignificant, and his voice sounds smoother than the honey she’s so accustomed to. “for the kindness you are showing me, i have no words to express how grateful i am. i feel i can never repay you, though given the circumstances, i hope i never have to.” 

she lets out another loose laugh at his last words which brings a smile to his face, but his plan backfires as the sight of him puts chloe over the edge and results in her eyes overflowing with a fresh wave of tears. 

she’d spent the time she dressed the wound on his side silently crying. she didn’t want to worry him, and besides this wasn’t about her, he was in enough pain already. she never asked, but she could tell from how he instinctively flinched under her hands every once in a while that this wasn’t a pleasant experience for him, and she didn’t want to add to his discomfort by dissolving into a weeping mess. but when he put her fingers underneath her chin and gave her that smile she knew was reserved just for her, she fell apart. 

her tears aren’t exactly happy or sad tears. she is so beyond grateful that he’s going to be alright, but him being in this situation in the first place devastates her. his injuries were likely inflicted by his own _brother_ and that fact horrifies her. she may have grown up an only child but she knows no siblings should ever treat each other with such cruelty, and she hates them. 

hates his siblings for standing by while he fell, hates michael for picking a battle when all lucifer wanted to do is live the life he chose on earth, hates lucifer’s father for casting him out and letting lucifer get treated the way he was tonight.

chloe sees lucifer for who he is, his complete self, manipulation-free, and she _knows_ he is good. he’s selfless and kind. he’s honest to a fault and caring beyond words, and he deserves none of this. so seeing _him_ comforting _her_ when he was the one bloodied and in pain throws her off-kilter, and she starts weeping.

he ignores the pain of his sore and damaged limbs and pulls her closer to him. she follows willingly and wraps her arms under his, grabbing onto his shoulders, and crying into his already ruined suit jacket. he holds her, lightly shushing her and stroking the back of her head and hair until she calms down. he feels her heart rate increasing and takes large, slow, exaggerated breaths, silently encouraging her to follow along, and after a few minutes of her ragged breathing returning to a normal pace, she sniffles a bit and pulls back.

her arms lower from behind his shoulders and latch onto the front of his shirt. she brings her gaze back up to his and is once again met with the smile she can’t get enough of. “thanks,” she says sniffling while he brings his hand to her cheek, tucking away an errant strand of hair. “i’m glad you’re back, and okay… -ish.” 

he laughs at her comment and it relieves them both to see the other engaging in their typical humor, but lucifer sobers quite quickly. “as am i, and i’m pleased to assure you that i never plan to leave your side again.”

“never?” she repeats, and more unexpected memories wash over her.

a disastrous family dinner where michael made a snide comment about chloe growing old and frail, which caused chloe to seriously think about her and lucifer’s future. the argument in lucifer’s penthouse where he avoided answering whether he _would_ become mortal with the claim that it wasn’t possible regardless. the hurt that overwhelmed her when she went home alone that night fearing that she would lose him, _again._ them both neglecting the issue in favor of solving cases and sorting out lucifer’s family issues, the fear of the impending doom of their relationship never leaving her.

but he doesn’t lie, and hearing him use the word ‘never’ in regards to their separation, confuses and overwhelms her. 

“what do you mean, never?” she asks, searching for clarification.

“well, i wouldn’t want to bore you with the details, but dad has given me his word that hell will be looked after, and he has granted me the more fatal aspects of human life.” his tone is light and he doesn’t take his eyes off hers while he speaks, causing chloe to be so mesmerized that she doesn’t fully understand his words.

“i don’t- lucifer what are you saying?”

“i am still by technicality the devil, i have retained my wings, strength, and i assume my mojo and all that, but i will grow old and die, in fact i have technically already started aging! i am a few hours older than the last time you saw me!” he says it like it’s the most amazing news he’s ever had the fortune of delivering, and he supposes it is. but in typical lucifer fashion, he spouts more information than chloe can take in. one sentence in particular sticks with her, though.

“you will?” the words _i will grow old and die_ should’ve been morbid and unsettling, but to chloe, they are nothing short of music to her ears. a wide smile spreads across her face and her future suddenly looks bright and beautiful and full of lucifer. 

“i will. i hope to do so with you, that is, if you will have me.”

she is at a loss for words, and in an instant her arms are wrapped around his neck. he suppresses a groan since he wants nothing more than for her to keep holding onto him. 

he’d fought against his brother, who’d been strengthened by his increasing determination to ruin lucifer’s life. he wasn’t just jealous anymore, he was enraged. michael had planned to kill him, but lucifer gained an upper hand and won. he held a demon-forged blade to his brother’s neck, with michael too weak to fight back, and lucifer could have ended him, but he didn’t. 

he’d left michael humiliated at losing another battle and figured he’d be too exhausted for another face-to-face confrontation again any time soon. his brother may have been an arsehole, but he wasn’t daft. after a conversation with his dad that ended as soon as lucifer had all the necessary details, he returned to his home. to his chloe. he was in her arms and he never wanted to be anywhere else.

chloe releases relieved laughs into his neck before she leans back and regains her words again, possibly too many. “and you’re absolutely sure? i’m not trying to talk you out of this but you need to do this because you want to, not because it’s something i want you to do.”

“i am.”

“you’re one hundred percent sure? you’d give up your _immortality_ to be on earth for however many more years and then who knows, for me?” she was rambling and ready to continue but lucifer steadies her face with both of his hands, and with his voice as smooth as silk, as if he’d been rehearsing these words for his entire life, begins to speak.

“chloe,” _well that got her attention,_ he thinks. “the only earth i want to live on is one with you in it. i have been killable in your presence since practically the day we met, and yet i never wished to leave your side. i believe i have been choosing mortality, with _you_ , for years. why not make it official?”

with that, another wave of tears, this time undeniably happy, brims at her eyes and she bites her lip to stop from smiling so hard it would hurt. “then yes, of course i’ll have you.” she closes her eyes, and goes to lay her forehead against his.

when he seethes through his teeth and jerks back slightly, she realizes she's completely missed the cut that was still open on his forehead. “shit, let me get that, one second.” she reaches down for the first aid kit that remained on the floor, and brings more antiseptic and q-tips into her lap, foregoing any gauze or tape deciding it isn't a big enough laceration to warrant such measures.

she begins meticulously cleaning the cut that is right above his brow bone, using the q-tips and antiseptic to wipe up any remaining blood from around the wound, and ensuring there is no leftover debris inside that might cause him irritation later. 

what lucifer starts to experience is something linda aptly refers to as _butterflies._ he’s felt them every time he’s seen chloe facing him on the piano stool where they’d shared so many moments. they had met here. they’d sat here together when she showed him the official papers that saved lux. she’d held his hand and reassured him of their partnership here; even if she’d been hiding things from him then, when the air had cleared he could look back and recognize that her words were still honest.

her eyes are focused, fixed on his forehead while his stare straight into hers, occasionally glancing away to take in her other features. he feels her calloused fingers against his forehead, and her touch is tender, taking extra care to brush back the hair that has fallen out of place, and returns it where she unconsciously knows he’d want it on a normal day. 

“i love you.” 

if he’s being honest, which he always is, he doesn't know why he says it. he doesn’t know why he says it now, of all times, when he’s a bloodied mess and they’ve both been crying. the moment was far from perfect, but as soon as he said it, it felt _right._

she’d been so concentrated that she isn’t sure if she can believe what she’s heard. her hands still and she leans just slightly back so she can look at him better. “what?” 

“i love you, chloe.” her mouth falls slightly open, whether it was in shock or ease neither of them are sure, but he has more to say and the words just fall out of his mouth. “i have been in love with you for eons.” he doesn’t have to think about what he is saying, unconsciously knowing that every word is true. “i will continue to love you through our remaining decades together on earth, and i will love you wherever you go after, forever.”

chloe kisses him, and _hard._ he’s left her speechless, but they both know actions better than words anyway. she pours every piece of her and every bit of love she has into their kiss, and lucifer returns it just as fervently. 

she lightly drags her tongue across his bottom lip asking for entrance, and he opens his mouth to her, groaning as she slips her tongue beside his. control of the kiss passes back and forth a few times, one of them taking advantage when the other needs a breath, and eventually they slow to a steady but languid pace, not quite willing to let go of the other’s lips.

“and i love you.” she says, directly against his lips during a pause for breath. they both lean together for a few more chaste kisses, their smiles so big they have to practically push their faces together for their lips to meet. 

when they finally come apart, it’s only for a second while their arms snake around each other, holding one another and breathing together. one of chloe’s hands strokes the hairs at the nape of his neck, and his thumbs rub against her sides, both simple gestures that they know the other loves. this time it’s lucifer who digs his head into the crook of her neck, taking in the smell of her shampoo and blocking out the rest of the world so everything is just them.

while they’re drowning in each other’s closeness, they miss the angel-sent mercenary tucked in the corner of the club, lying in wait for an opportune moment. michael may have been too weak to fight, but he’s nothing if not determined to hit lucifer where it will hurt him most.

they’ve both been sitting on this bench for far too long, and chloe figures lucifer must be exhausted. now that he’s mostly cleaned up, she feels she can get him back up the elevator without much of a hitch, so she rises to stand and holds her hand out to him.

it’s a gesture similar to one he made on their first night together. a question, or rather an assurance that _he_ was what she wanted. that night is seared into both of their memories, a drastic turning point in their relationship, symbolic of how far they’ve come together. 

she remembers taking his hand without hesitation, and she’s sure that if he kept looking at her like he did that night, she would follow him anywhere. and so would he.

“let’s get you back upstairs, tough guy.” he’s about to reach out, but is temporarily entranced by her eyes and the light that radiates from them, and he only tears his glance away when chloe’s head bows. 

a sly figure, gone before lucifer can catch more than a glimpse, finds his _opportune moment._ his finger squeezes and causes a light _click, fwoop_ that echoes through the club as the only evidence that he was there to begin with. that, and the centimeter long cylinder of lead that’s burrowed through chloe’s back and has gotten lodged in her front.

chloe tilts her head to identify the reason that her midsection is growing hot, and her eyes and hand land on her stomach, where a red splotch is slowly expanding through her shirt. concern grows deep in her head and she looks back up to lucifer, scared.

“lucifer?” she says, quiet and wavering, but the plea is barely out of her mouth before her eyes unfocus and her legs buckle from underneath her.

lucifer’s eyebrows furrow and he reaches up to catch her, but ends up on the floor with her. she’s cradled into his lap directly next to where they’d been sitting, with one arm around her shoulders and the other darting from place to place.

“chloe?” he’s barely absorbed what’s happening, but he lets out an agonizing groan while he rolls his shoulders back and his wings unfurl. “you’re going to be alright chloe, you’re going to be fine, don’t worry.”

his wings look worse than the rest of him. he‘d kept them tucked away until now, wanting to spare her the ugly sight that they were. 

“your wings…” and it’s almost a question when she says it and her voice is laced with concern, for _him._ they’re covered in red, and in worse pain exposed to the air than they were tucked away. he quickly glances away from her to take a look at them. they’re instinctively standing high in an offensive position, and he finds a clean feather near the top, and plucks it. the plucking hurts as well, but his pain is inconsequential. 

he places the feather against her stomach, but no light erupts from it.

it soaks with red and the soft vane mats.

“no… no, no, no.”

he reaches back and grabs another, but the club remains dim. 

he reaches once again, this time for a primary, and he yells as he yanks it out. the result is the same.

“wh- why isn’t this working?” 

he reaches back to pull another feather before a hand on his wrist that pulls it to her chest draws him back.

“y- your powers have never worked on me, remember?” her voice is higher than it should be and with the occasional hitch, but it doesn’t sound pained, which is far from a good sign. tears have brimmed in her eyes yet she laughs while she says it.

“no, no, chloe, i- i don’t know what to do. i’m so sorry, i’m so, so sorry.”

“it’s okay lucifer, i w- wouldn’t trade our gift f- for anything.” her eyes begin to slide closed and she coughs, a last ditch struggle by her body to continue bringing air into her lungs.

“chloe, no, please, you must stay awake.” he looks around frantically for a phone or anything that might help, and grabs the leftover gauze from the first aid kit, but it immediately soaks and doesn’t slow her bleeding.

“lucifer… l- look at me,” it pains him to cease what he’s doing but he listens, he’ll do whatever she asks of him. always. “watch out for trixie for me, please.”

“wh- chloe, no, you’re going to see beatrice tomorrow. you’re to be fine, don’t speak like that.”

“p- promise me, lucifer. promise me yo- you’ll stay and look after her.” 

his head falls to his chest and he squeezes his eyes shut, a naught attempt to dull the overwhelming burn in his eyes.

“i promise.” he looks back at her and her eyes are on him. her breathing is steadily slowing, with fewer and fewer hitches and coughs. he sees her body calming and desperately grabs at her arms and neck, urging, _begging_ her not to slip away. “chloe, hold on, please, i- i don’t-” he might not be able to form the words, but she knows what he’s saying.

“you’ll be okay, lucifer, you’ll be okay.” 

“chloe?” the name on his lips that has never failed to attract her attention, brings no response.

“chloe?” he asks, louder this time. her hand that was gently holding his own against her heart has fallen limp.

her eyes go still, not blinking, but not seeing either.

“chloe?” he’s practically yelling. he searches her eyes and finds none of the light that’s radiated from them from the very first time he saw her, a mere few feet away.

the singular light in all of his millennials, snuffed out. she’s gone somewhere he cannot follow, because he _promised,_ and he suddenly feels completely, and utterly _alone._

he shuts her eyes. the sight of them so empty is too much for him to bear. he pulls her closer to him, and it’s a hug that has never felt so wrong.

the muscles throughout his wings lose their strength and they droop to the floor behind him, weighed down by grief. 

he has hours where he screams and wails, and hours where he doesn’t make a sound apart from his heaving breaths, but he doesn’t let go of her until morning.

many hours later a maintenance worker arrives and calls maze, who calls dan, who calls a coroner. lucifer doesn’t let go for a second. not until she’s being torn from his arms. not for a second. 


End file.
